Wedding Attendants

The typical wedding ceremony  wouldn't be complete without the help of the attendants. The best man and groomsmen would be standing elegantly in their tuxedos  with dashing boutonnieres  to match the bride's bouquet  and the bridesmaids would sparkle in their pretty dresses  and shoes.  But in what order do they stand? How do you choose who's who? How many do you need? How do you pair them up? And what are their responsibilities? This guide tells all.

The Roles

The Gents
Fathers Traditionally, the father of the bride escorts her down the aisle. This is, however, not set in stone as the bride can choose whomever she wants to escort her. The father of the groom typically pays for the rehearsal dinner. Dads can help pick up out-of-town guests from the airport, stand in the receiving line to greet guests, and make toasts.	Best Man He is usually the brother or best friend of the groom. He may also be an in-law. He has many tasks as right hand man to the groom. He organizes the bachelor party, hands out the boutonnieres,  holds the bride's ring,  starts the toasts, pays the officiant and ceremony musicians, and brings a pen  to sign the marriage license. He purchases or rents his attire.	Groomsmen These best buds of the groom help out the best man with the bachelor party,  decorating the getaway car, and support the groom when he needs it. Stocking the getaway car with the couple's luggage  and some champagne  are extra nice touches. They often act as ushers. They pay for their own attire.	Junior Groomsmen Perfect for important young men aged between nine and 16. They are usually required to stand with the rest of the groomsmen during the ceremony. They can be an usher or hand out programs.  They might help decorating the getaway car. The typically don't attend the bachelor party. They supply their own attire.	Ring Bearers These little guys are typically nephews, little second cousins, children of the family, or little boys aged three to eight who are special to the bride and groom. If there is no boy to fill this role, a girl can do it instead. The job entails carrying the ring  up to the altar on a ring pillow.  He sits with his parents during the ceremony. Parents pay for the attire in most cases.

The Ladies
Mothers The mother of the bride  helps with all things from planning  logistics to fashion choices. She may also have a say in who's on theguest list. Sometimes she hosts the shower. She should also stand in the receiving line. The mother of the groom usually helps with the same tasks as the mother of the bride.	Maid/Matron of Honor The bride's right hand woman -- a sister, cousin, or friend. Bachelorette party and bridal shower are hers to organize. She also holds the bride's bouquet,  fixes her train, and holds the groom's ring.  She must also take care of the gown  after the wedding. It is up to her to pay for her own bridesmaid dress  and shoes.	Bridesmaids These lovely ladies help out the maid of honor. They assist in planning the parties and are there for all the crazy moments when the bride needs a hand. They also bring the bridal emergency kit.  They should help receiving guests at the reception  and sometimes they might help out with the favors.  They pay for their own attire.	Junior Bridesmaid These youngsters aged nine to 16 play the same role as the other bridesmaids. They stand with the attendants during the ceremony. Usually they don't attend the bachelorette party. They can help make or prepare favors,  hand out rice or confetti, or distribute programs.  Parents pay for the attire.	Flower Girls Girls aged three to eight are the ones to dress up like little versions of the bride. See the Flower Girls Guide. Boys can fill this role if needed. They scatter petals  down the aisle during the processional from a flower basket.  They should be seated with their parents during the ceremony. Parents pay for the flowergirl dress.

Other Attendants

• Ushers -- Important teens or would-be groomsmen are perfect people to be ushers. Their job is to help the elderly, direct guests to their seats, and sometimes hand out programs. This role can be filled by the groomsmen too. Remember that you need one usher per 50 guests.
• Train Bearers/Pages -- Usually these people are boys, but they can be girls too. Typically they are six to nine years old. Their job is to help carry the train if a bride has chosen a wedding dress  with a very long train.
• Shushavim -- This is the term used for attendants for Jewish weddings. These people usually fill the same roles as bridesmaids or groomsmen.
• Chuppah Carriers -- These are close friends or family that help carry the chuppah  in Jewish ceremonies.
• Candle Lighters -- In Christian ceremonies, these are the young kids who help light the candles before the ceremony. Usually they are nine to 12 years old.
• Guest Book Attendant -- This is someone who stands by the guest book and gets people to sign it.
• Officiant -- The officiant is the director of the ceremony, sometimes called the celebrant. Learn more about them by reading the guide on Choosing an Officiant.
• Readers and Singers -- If you don't want to spend money to hire people to perform at your ceremony, you might consider asking a talented family member to help out. It will give them a chance to be part of the event and showcase their skills.

How Many?

• There is no strict rule on how many attendants you can or can't have. However, the minimum is two (your maid of honor and best man to serve as witnesses) and the maximum is usually 12, sometimes 15, not including flower girls or ring bearers.
• Typically, the larger the wedding, the more attendants there are. Usually there is one bridesmaid or groomsman per 50 guests. However, this is very flexible and you can always bend the rules.
• Select as many attendants as you need to fill out the space, but don't choose so many that the ceremony space seems cramped.
• There should be an equal number of bridesmaids as groomsmen, but sometimes it's just not feasible and there is no problem with that.

Choosing

Choosing becomes hardest when you have many people that are close and important to you. It's hard to imagine having to leave out a certain friend or extended relative, but sometimes you have to. If you become faced with a sticky situation, such as deciding between your gal pals and female family members, try to make the bridal party either all friends or all family. That way you can easily let down those that you can't include and it will be less likely to stir up trouble.

• Be sensitive. People who feel left out can be hurt by your actions and words. So, let people down easily. Try and explain your reasoning, listen to them when they need to talk about it, and try your best to keep them an active part of your life by including them in the wedding events. You might even have them do something else at the wedding, such as hand out programs, read, or man the guest book table.
• Choose wisely. Choose those who are most important to you now and those who will remain as important a year to five years from now. That can help weed out people from your list of potential attendants. Don't select someone to be in your bridal party simply because they chose you. It's not about returning favors, but about finding people to properly fill the role.
• Consider your needs. Will the people that you want to select be man -- or woman -- enough to handle the job? If all you want is for them to smile and look pretty, that's one thing. However, if you need your attendants to really go the extra mile for you when you need it, no questions asked, will they be able to give you their all?
• Consider his/her needs. Remember that being part of the wedding party requires a lot from people. While they get to be a part of the wedding, they also take on a financial burden since they must furnish all their own attire and accessories. They are also putting out money for the parties that they throw for the bride and groom, not to mention gifts, traveling to the wedding, and paying for lodging while at the wedding. If you feel that someone you'd like to have either won't be able to afford it or be able to make it because of the distance which he or she will be required to travel, invite the person anyway. Perhaps you can help out financially if it's needed. Just keep this secret between you and the attendant. It wouldn't be fair to the others and it may make the needy attendant feel singled out.
• Bridesmen and groomswomen? If your closest friends or family is not of the right sex to fill the role, don't think that you can't include them. More and more people are using whichever person suits the role best regardless of their sex.
• Keep it in the family. It's always a good idea to include in-laws in the bridal party. It helps create a better bond and eases any tensions.

Announcing People's Roles

So you've chosen the bridal party. Let everyone know about their new role in your wedding by hosting a little party to give them the good news. This also gives people a chance to get to know each other better. If you already have enough on your plate and you can't quite imagine planning yet another event, consider calling people up to tell them or sending special cards.

Related Guides
Flower Girls and Ring Bearers	Bridesmaid Dresses	Mother of the Bride Dresses	Groom and Groomsmen's Attire	Creating a Guest List