Interfaith Marriages and Ceremonies
You might be Catholic, while your partner is Jewish. Do you have a unity candle  ceremony? A traditionally Jewish ceremony, complete with a kiddushin and ketubah? What if you are Irish and want to have a claddagh ring instead of a plain wedding band? Perhaps you are Muslim and don't want a ceremony at all, but your partner wants an elaborate one. Or maybe, because you're Chinese, you want to wear a red gown instead of a white wedding gown and this sends your Christian in-laws into a tizzy.
Planning a wedding is hard enough, but when you start mixing cultures and religion, things get even more complicated, especially when both the bride and groom have strong religious backgrounds. Arguments can arise over something as little as whether or not to have a chuppah, to something as big as how to plan the ceremony. Usually it is arranging the ceremony that is the most difficult because each religion calls for a completely different set of traditions and cultural rituals. Nonetheless, people marry all the time with these difficulties at hand and still manage to prevail over all the obstacles. So despite the fact that at interfaith marriage can be quite an undertaking, do not lose hope. The essence of creating a successful wedding lies in the planning. Start by giving yourselves ample time to prepare, possibly up to a year if circumstances allow.
Take time to look inside and determine exactly what you believe, which aspects you find to be the most important when it comes to your wedding, and how you feel about compromising on a variety of subjects. Once you have a strong sense of what it is that you want and most certainly will not want, you can then discuss things with your partner; which traditions you both want to include in the ceremony and which you'll leave out. It's important that you spend plenty of time going over these details so that when it comes time to tell your parents what you are planning, there will be no surprises.
With the parents, you must all be sensitive to each others needs. You should be firm when you announce what you and your partner envision and then see what their opinions are. You will have to honor their wishes to a certain extent, especially if they are helping to pay for the wedding. This is where flexibility and compromise comes into play. Keep in mind that this whole process of ironing out the details with the parents may take quite a bit of time. Remember that they have to come to terms with the mixing of faiths and sometimes it may be very hard to deal with. In the end, make sure that both families are getting an equal amount of representation in the wedding ceremony. And while this might seem like it will turn into a mish mash of culture, don't forget that every couple is unique. Your wedding is the perfect time to show your friends and family what you as a couple are all about.
Finally, once you and the parents have come to a plan about how you want to arrange the ceremony, you'll need to find an officiant. Talk to your religious officials if you regularly attend services and discuss your plans with them. Some will be willing to perform a ceremony and others won't. However, at least they might be able to help you find someone who can perform the ceremony.
Otherwise, ask around to other people you might know who have had an interfaith marriage. Perhaps they can recommend someone to you. That someone would be open-minded and comfortable with the situation. You may also consider hiring two officiants to represent both religions simultaneously during the ceremony. Another option is simply choosing a non-denominational officiant. They are usually more open to wedding two people of different faiths. Always be sure though that the officiant you choose will be able to marry you legitimately and that the marriage will be recognized by your own house of worship.
What else do you need to know? - Depending on your religions, you may need to compromise about when you will be married. See these tips on Choosing a Wedding Date for more information.
- If you believe in Bahaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Protestantism, Quakerism, or Shinto, interfaith marriages are accepted. However, with Judaism, Catholicism, and Islam, there are more restrictions.
- Eastern Orthodoxy allows interfaith marriage as long as the partner is Christian.
- With most Jewish and Catholic officiants, they will agree to marry a couple as long as they agree to raise the children Jewish or Catholic respectively.
- If the groom is Muslim, he can marry a non-Muslim woman. However, non-Muslim men must convert if the bride is Muslim.
At the Reception
Take advantage of the fact that you are intertwining two religions and cultures together. Use a variety of music, have the food be a fusion of cultures, and let the decorations show who you are. Don't be afraid to mix and match the customs as you see fit. Your guests can learn a thing or two and you can have a party that is double the fun.
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