Creating a Guest List

One of the most important aspects of planning a marriage is deciding who you are going to invite.  While many people have a mile-long list of friends and family they want to include, the reality is that the more guests you have, the more expensive the wedding becomes. And, unfortunately, even trimming costs on other parts of the wedding planning,  such as the flowers  or decorations,  will not be as significant in reducing your budget  as shortening your guest list. Therein lies the problem for the typical couple -- choosing who to cut. While nobody wants to hurt feelings, it is crucial that you invite only as many people as you can afford. This leads us to one of the most important considerations of planning your guest list: budgeting.

The Basics: Budget, Personal Preference & Venue Capacity

Depending on what type of a wedding you expect to have, where and when it is scheduled to take place, the price per person can vary significantly. You can spend as little as $50 to as much as $250 per head. Sometimes it is worth it to the bride and groom to reduce the lavishness of a venue just to have the opportunity to invite everyone they wish to attend their reception. However, don't forget that people don't just cost money to wine, dine, and entertain, but there are also the invitations,  favors,  thank you cards,  and sometimes welcome baskets  that will cost you. You have to be honest with yourself and your spouse-to-be about what you can afford and, no matter what, stay within those limits. Starting your new life together with a whopping credit card bill that you can't afford to pay is not the way to go.

Besides budget, there is a more practical reason for cutting people from a guest list. You need a venue (for both the ceremony and reception) that will hold all of these people. If the locale can only accommodate 150 people, then you'll need to adjust your expectations accordingly. Choosing the location for the scale of the wedding you wish to have will be a big factor in making a guest list. Intimate beach weddings  call for the smallest groups, while lavish banquet halls need to be filled with around 150 people.

Don't forget that many people will decline the invitation.  On average you can expect anywhere from 10 to 20 percent of your list to decline. You can counteract this drop in guests by starting with a bigger list and hope that it whittles down to the appropriate amount. Another way to counteract this drop in the guest list is to start by sending out the first batch of invites as the "must-haves." Wait to see who accepts the invitation and then send out the second batch of invited to those who you want to come. As you see who cancels you can invite more guests. The only problem with this method is that it can offend certain people. Be sure to keep close friends and family members in the same batches, lest someone feel left out.

Where to Start

Start as soon as possible! It is never too soon to begin making up a guest list, especially since it will take time to narrow it down and discuss it with your fiancé and all of the parents. To stay organized from start to finish, and to keep from having to re-write a list over and over when it comes to seating, begin with a chart or diagram format. There are several ways to draw up a list. Here are some ideas.

• For small wedding, keep it as simple as A, B, C.
• Make sure that the bride, groom, and both sets of parents make their own lists ordered in order of importance with A, B, and C designations.
• A-list guests are guaranteed a spot on your roster.
• Those on the C list are the first to go.
• B-list guests can be invited as A-list guests decline or as space provides.

• If you know what the reception hall or ceremony site looks like you can get ahead on seating arrangements while you create a guest list.
• On a large piece of blank paper, draw either where you expect the tables to be or the seating for the ceremony taking into account the venue capacity.
• Start penciling in guests from the very front area of the ceremony location (at the altar with the attendants and front pews for family) and work back to include friends of the family and other guests. You can also use the reception hall to mock up a guest list. Simply locate the sweetheart table (or whichever will be the head table) and place the most important people closest to the bride and groom, working outwards towards the other tables.
• Make sure to see the guide about seating arrangements before starting!

• For long, complicated guest lists, charts work best.
• Since you'll have up to four guest lists (from the bride, groom, and each side of the family), you'll need to keep everyone grouped together by relationship. Grouping people by their relationship with either the bride, groom, or their families keeps you from improperly seating people later on.
• When listing guests, you can use an "X" to mark them on the list, or you can use the A, B, C system for extra clarification.
• You might even want one column to check off who you have sent an invitation to, and who has sent back the RSVP card.
• Use this chart as an example. You can create your own on a program like Excel  or even download similar charts on the Internet. See the Wedding Resource Page for tips on which Web sites offer such planners.

Tips on Picking and Choosing

• Who's paying gets the ultimate say. If you and your soon-to-be-spouse are footing the bill, don't be afraid to tell your parents that they have a limit on the number of guests that they can invite. If they simply insist on inviting 20 more guests than expected, tell mom and pop that they will have to chip in the extra cash to have them included on the guest list. On the other hand, if the parents are in charge of the bill, you will have to succumb to their wishes for the most part. Just make sure that you get some of your favorites on the list too.
• Remember who is nearest and dearest. Just because you hung out when you were 15, doesn't require you to invite this person to your wedding. To quickly weed out distant friends, relatives, and other acquaintances, consider whether you have been in contact with them within the previous year and whether or not you expect to be involved in these people's lives (or vice versa) five years from now. If your potential party-goer fits the "long-lost" friend or family member description, don't bother including them on your list.
• Leave quarrels at the door. Often there will be issues among parents, bride, and groom about who is coming and who shouldn't come. Instead of fighting about it with parents, remind them that it is YOUR special day. To the bride and groom: no matter how much you loathe who your husband- or wife-to-be wants to invite, it is probably very important to them, and you should try your best to respect his or her wishes. If you are worried that certain folks will simply clash with each other if you invite them, just give a heads up with the invite and explain to how important is it to you that he or she be there to celebrate with you. Also, be extra careful with the seating so as to not put anyone in uncomfortable positions.
• Don't offer an invite just to return the favor. You'll be invited to many weddings in your pre-marriage life. However you simply can't invite everyone who has ever invited you to their wedding. Choose those who are closest to you and let the others down with tact (see below about how to do so).
• Children optional. Many couples opt for an adult-only wedding, making things cheaper and a bit calmer overall. There is nothing wrong with letting guests know that for your special day, they are going to have to hire a sitter. This usually works best when you are having an evening wedding versus a morning or afternoon wedding.
• Guests on the do-not-invite list. If there are certain people you simply do NOT want at your wedding make sure to lay these ground rules from the get go. No heavy drinkers, no kids, no strangers, no ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, etc.
• Careful choosing co-workers. Office chit chat spreads news fast. Unless you plan to invite the entire entourage at your office, keep things hush-hush with those you invite. Explain to them that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you would rather invite a select few of your closest pals from the office. Limit those you choose to the people with whom you socialize outside of work, those who you would actually consider being friends and not just acquaintances.