stupid.com

Harry Potter QUIDDITCH GOGGLES — $11.99
Imagine how great you'll feel, flying through the air protected by your Quidditch Goggles! In fact, you'll look cool right up the moment when the Bludger knocks you off your broom and you plummet to the ground.

JESUS SAVES — $14.99
Really, how could you NOT put a few coins in this beatific bank? Jesus said, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God," but he never said anything about people with pocket change.

Calf & Half Creamer — $19.99
Generally speaking cows are more comfy in the barn than at the table, but Calf & Half is a perfect house guest. She’s always in a good mooooooooood, an you will be too when you pour from this playful little pitcher. A gentle reminder of

Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure — $10.95
It starts innocently enough... You find a little kitten on your doorstep and "rescue" it. Then, somehow, another cat comes along, and you take that one in, too. Then another. And another. Before long, you look in the mirror and... OH MY GOD!!! You're a Crazy Cat Lady!!!!

Albert Einstein Action Figure — $11.99
This is just one of the many scenarios you can act out with the genuine Albert Einstein Action Figure. This 5-1/2" figure captures the world's most famous genius in all his frumpy glory. Albert is fully pose able, and features a huge shock of gray hair atop his head.

John McCain Mask — $10.99
When John McCain was shot down over Vietnam and locked up in the Hanoi Hilton, we know what kept him going. Sure, they were starving him and torturing him, but he kept telling himself, "Hang in there, Jonnie boy. One day you'll be out of here, and a website called Stupid.com will be selling a mask that looks just like you. You gotta survive just so you can see that."

Potato Gun — $4.99
Yes, it's the fabulously stupid Potato Gun. And it really, really works. (we learned the hard way) You can get as many as 300 shots from one lowly potato.

BACON WALLET — $11.49
The Bacon Wallet is an actual wallet that looks like slabs of our favorite breakfast meat. It's made from faux leather (which is a fancy name for vinyl) and depicts tasty bacon on both the outside and inside. The well-made wallet has plenty of pockets for cash, credit cards, and the phone number of your cardiologist.

Handbag- Tommy Gun Purse — $14.99
Robbing banks and Stealing cars has never looked so fashionable with this Tommy Gun Purse. Sure to be a sensation, this purse will urge everyone to get on your best side.

Dribble Glass — $5.49
But before you order, here's a tip - a little trick we tried here at Stupid.com headquarters that had knee-slappin' results. We ordered six of these dribble glasses, and put them in the office kitchen, so it simply looked like we had recieved a new set of kitchen cups.

Toast Clock — $24.99
This tasteful (and tasty) timepiece looks like a giant piece of toast. The Toast Clock measures 10-1/4" x 9" and runs on one AA battery. It's the greatest thing to happen to sliced bread since, well.... you know what we mean.

Chicken Hat — $8.49
As you can see in the photo on the right, the Chicken Hat looks like a slightly excited chicken nesting on top of your head. It's made of soft velour with a stuffed head and neck. To add a charming touch, scrawny 13" chicken legs hang down on either side.

Laser Alarm Clock — $21.99

Mini Leprechaun Hat for St. Patrick's Day — $4.99
This leprechaun-sized hat is perfect for your next St. Patty's Day outing. Band is adorned with lamé buckle and green shamrock. Made of velvet and fully lined.

Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You — $19.95
THREE HUNDRED DEADLY DISEASES are profiled in this fascinating book. Some are familiar favorites (BUBONIC PLAGUE) while others are obscure and hard to pronounce (SCHISTOSOMIASIS). You'll learn how you get these diseases, how they progress through your body, and how they are treated. (some, sadly, have no treatment at all)

Fun Slides Carpet Skates — $17.99
As you may have guessed, they're sort of like ice skates. But instead of ice, Junior gets to slide around your home on the carpet. Carpet Skates slip over your foot and also fasten behind the heel for a secure fit. Then you push off with the toe grips and off you go!

MOSES ACTION FIGURE — $9.99
The plastic Moses Action Figure stands 5-1/4" tall, and has flexible joints so put him in all sorts of righteous poses. He carries his trademark shepherd's staff in one hand and The Ten Commandments in the other -- both of these are removable!

Etch-A-Sketch Keychain — $4.99
We're amazed how they were able to make a working Etch-A-Sketch so tiny. This keychain functions just like its big brother. One knob controls horizontal lines... the other knob controls vertical lines. With the right "touch" you can draw anything!

Librarian Action Figure — $9.99
We're not surprised at the results of this study for two reasons. First, we made it up. And second, we all know how tough librarians can be. These literary tyrants enforce more rules than the International Olympic Committee... No Talking, No Smoking, No Drinking, No Cell Phones, No Eating, No Pets, No Gum Chewing, No Unsanctioned Stapling, No Overdue Books, No Underdue Books,and on and on and on.

INFLATABLE MOOSE HEAD — $19.99
Once inflated, this huge Moose Head measures 30" high x 29" wide x 24" deep. Look at the photo of the hunting lodge wall... see how the Inflatable Moose Head blends right in! From the right distance (or after a few drinks), it looks exactly like a real moose.

NUNZILLA — $5.99
Not only does this wind-up nun walk... she shoots sparks out of her mouth! Whoever designed this beauty must have been full of hostility, because Nunzilla is quite a holy terror.

Global Warming Mug — $13.49
Each mug is covered with a map of the world. When you pour in a hot beverage, the mug shows what happens when the world heats up and the oceans begin to rise... Land mass disappears before your very eyes!

Pig Catapult — $6.99
Brief History Lesson: In the 14th Century, the French village of Castilleaux was under siege from Northern Hordes. The attack went on so long, that the villagers ran out of stones to put in their catapults. But all was not lost! The savvy townsfolks were prosperous pig farmers, and they decided to use the porkers as projectiles in their catapults. Each time they hurled a porker over the barricade, the Frenchmen would cry out "Les cochons son dans le ciel!" ("The pigs are in the sky!") The barbarians...

The Art of Kissing Book — $7.99
The 32-page book is filled with kitschy illustrations and useful (?) information. Sure, it might be a little behind the times, but some of the kissing techniques covered in this book are so old... they're NEW!

Barack Obama Yes We Can Opener — $6.99
(Obviously, the above description was written BEFORE the election. But we left it there because we think it is historically important... and because we're too lazy to update it.)

TIC TAC TOAST — $6.99
Before you make your toast, press your Tic-Tac-Toe embosser into the bread. Then, pop it in the toaster. When it pops back out, your toast will have a tic-tac-toe board burned into it. Then grab a partner and start playing. Choose sides.... Jam VS Peanut Butter. Tuna Salad VS Mayonnaise. Humus VS Chopped Liver.

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CANDY — $1.99
You get a plastic hand with two buttons on it. Press one button, and the mechanical hand forms the "scissors" position. Press the other, and the hand clenches into the "rock" formation. Leave the buttons alone, and you have the "paper" position. So instead of using your own hand to play, you can use this robotic substitute instead.

JOHN McCAIN ACTION FIGURE — $12.99
He flew bombing raids in North Vietnam. He chaired the Senate Commerce Committee in Washington. And now he can kick Ken and G.I. Joe's butts in your toy box.

Create-A-Commie — $6.99
It works like a Woolly Willy toy you played with as a kid -- You use the magic wand to position metal filings over the bald Commie's head. Create hair, beards, mustaches, and even hats. It's as much fun as it is a complete waste of your time!

INFLATABLE TOAST — $3.99
Toast is great, but it’s hard to keep in your pocket. So what do you do when you crave the warm comfort of toast but don’t want to deal with the crumbs? You pull out your Inflatable Toast, blow it up and admire its realistic toasty goodness! Each soft vinyl slice of toast is 6" tall and has a standard inflation valve.

How To Drive Like A Maniac Book — $9.95
Have you ever witnessed a driver weaving in and out of traffic while talking on the phone and doing a Soduko puzzle and thought yourself, "Gee, I wish I could do that!" Well, being able to drive like a maniac is not some god-given talent -- You can actually learn to do it. And this amazing book will show you how.

World's Largest Bra — $19.99
The World's Largest Bra is over 3-feet wide, capable of supporting bosoms the size of two weather balloons. It has everything you'd expect in a normal-sized bra -- loops, hooks, padded cups, straps -- except everything is extra huge.

Scarface In My Pocket — $9.99
We are sure that Scarface In Your Pocket will quickly become your most cherished possession. Are we being honest? Hey, we always tell the truth, even when we lie.

Marie Antoinette Action Figure — $11.49
The Marie Antoinette Action figure manages to be both educational and sickly-twisted at the same time. The Queen is dressed in royal clothing, complete with a removable wig and dress. She stands 5-1/2" tall -- at least for a little while. When you press a secret button, Marie Antoinette's head goes flying off into the air. After that, she is considerably shorter.

PIRATE TOAST STAMPER — $7.99
It takes an ordinary slice of bread and turns it into a tempting morsel fit for a captain's table. Just press the plastic Pirate Toast Stamper into a piece of bread, remove it, then drop your bread in the toaster. When it pops out, your toast will be emblazoned with the menacing image of a skull and crossed swords!

TOAST WALLET — $9.95
Having started a small weird wallet collection for my husband thanks in no small part to stupid.com, I snapped this one right up. But when it arrived I was a bit miffed at how freakin' big it was. It's still within reasonable wallet-range, but much larger than your standard, expected wallet size. When I gave it to him, I told him he was under NO obligation to actually use it, considering the size. It sat in the drawer for a while favoring, instead, his duct tape and bacon wallets, but soon he decided...

Houdini Action Figure — $9.99
If you're reading this at work, then you probably wish you could escape. And speaking of escaping, here's an action figure that celebrates the greatest escape artist of all time! (And if that isn't the worst segue in the history of advertising copy, we don't know what is.)

Voodoo Pop — $4.99
To put the magic of Voodoo Pop to work, just say the name of your victim, then lick the appropriate portion of the pop. For instance -- If you want to bring bad luck to your landlord, simply invoke your landlord's name then lick the left arm of your voodoo pop. Want to bring pleasure to a special someone, just invoke his or her name and lick the..... well, just look at the photo.

Sky Diving Freud — $14.99
BehindSigmund Freud's intellectual, scholarly appearance was awild man who really knew how to party. Sure, duringworking hours, he would wear a black suit, sit in achair, and listen to patients talk about dreams andsexual desires. But after hours, Freud would take offthat black suit, put on a gray suit, and cut loose!

Da Mayor In Your Pocket — $7.99
This is certainly one of the weirdest things we sell, and we love it. Da Mayor In Your Pocket digitally captures a crucial moment in American History -- Oh, and it also holds your keys.

Chicken Chucker — $5.99
A product this stupid doesn't come along very often. If you want one, you'd better buy it now. Otherwise, you may wake up and discover this was all a bad dream and no such product every existed.

PIRATE BANDAGES — $4.95
Arrrrghh! Bein' a pirate is hazardous work, I tell ya. With all the swords 'n daggers 'n whatnot, a bucko's bound to get a nick or cut now and again. Keelhaulin' will slice ya up pretty good, too, matey. And if ya walk the plank 'nough times, yer destined for a splinter or two, sure as I'm talkin' at ya.

Miss Army Knife — $19.99
It's brilliantly designed and built to last. The uses are endless -- use the knife to carve your lover's initials on a fence post. Use the nail file to file it away once you dump him. Use the perfume bottle to attract a replacement. Use the flashlight to show him the door when you dump him . About the only thing you can't do with it is use the needle & thread to mend your broken heart.

Barrel of Monkeys Keychain — $4.99
13 swinging monkeys have been placed in this barrel on a keychain. The game is played the same as its full-sized cousin, but you have to be extra careful since everything is a fraction of the size.

Twister Keychain — $4.99
How do they do it? Well, instead of a large plastic sheet with colored dots on it, this version only uses the dots. Just place the dots on the floor, grab a partner, and play!

I Love You Toast Stamper — $6.69
With the I Love You Toast Stamper, you can now communicate your deepest feelings on a piece of toast. It's easy.... Just use the stamper to press the message into a piece of ordinary bread. Then pop it in the toaster. When it pops back out, your message will be emblazoned on toast forever more... or until someone eats it, which ever comes first.

ORIGAMI TOILET PAPER — $6.99
The toilet paper is printed with step-by-step instructions for making your own origami out of any paper that is handy... in this case, toilet paper. The time will just fly by as you stay in your seat, crafting glorious figures out of paper. But be warned -- When your impatient family bangs on the bathroom door, they may be slightly puzzled when you answer, "Hold on, I'm making a swan!"

Stuck Up Chewed Gum Magnets — $6.99
We bought a pack of these in Edinburgh, Scotland on vacation, having never seen them anywhere else-glad to see they're available in the states! They are incredibly realistic-looking; you almost expect them to feel sticky! They're not very strong, holding only a single piece of paper or stuck directly to metal, but they are a lot of fun. My 11 year old is very excited about using them in her locker when she gets to Junior High! A fun gift for the person who has everything!

Gummy Bugs — $1.99
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Rubber Chicken Keychain — $2.49
The great comic minds of this century have owned one. (Even Stupid Candy founder Gary Apple has one. And look where HE wound up.) And now you can own one, too.

FORKCHOPS — $6.99
If you're one of the millions of people that are "chopstick impaired," Forkchops can be a lifesaver. Having trouble with that piece of Hunan Beef? Forkchops to the rescue! Tired of chasing that renegade pea across the placemat? Just stab it with the Forkchop fork and be done with it!

Coffin Handbag — $29.99
The Coffin Handbag measures 10" x 5" x 3" and comes with a removable nylon strap. The sturdy sides and chrome fittings make the handbag nearly as durable as a real coffin. When you undo the clasp and lift the lid, you'll find a black velvety interior with an oval mirror on the lid. (Which will come in handy, unless you're a vampire.)

HILLARY CLINTON TOILET BRUSH — $12.99
Oh, man.... This Election Year is off to a rough start, and it's only going to get worse. If you need any proof, look no further than the Hillary Clinton Toilet Brush. This is about as LOW as a political item can get.

Brain Jello Mold — $9.99
The Brain Mold is a life-like, highly detailed mold of the left side of a human brain. It's 9" x 7" x 4" and is made of sturdy plastic. It comes complete with instructions for making life-like, brain-colored desserts. Yum!

Delinquents With Combs — $5.99
Juvenile Delinquents might be nasty... and they might be rude.... and they might even be violent --- But you can never accuse them of being sloppy. For instance, have you ever noticed how hoodlums always have PERFECT HAIR? It's no accident... Every street hood knows that looking good is as important as knowing how to hotwire a car or jimmy open a vending machine.

Beyond Belief! Book — $6.99
The small paperback is profusely illustrated with funny drawings reminiscent of the old "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" Books. (Check out the drawings on this webpage to get an idea of the treasures inside.)

Snotty Nose — $1.99
So we'll let you decide! And if you're undecided, feel free to order one and then come back and vote once you've tested it out!

Crackheads Candy — $2.49
When we first saw Crackheads candy, we thought it was a joke. But after eating some, we discovered it is really delicious. Each box of Crackheads (we love typing that name) contains 1.3 ounces of Crackheads. The back of the box includes a diagram of a caffeine molecule, and boasts that espresso has more caffeine than just about anything else.

Little Mozart's Tiny Orchestra — $5.99
All this (and more) is possible with Little Mozart's Tini Orchestra. It's a huge set of tiny musical instruments. You get a miniature slide whistle, harmonica, kazoo, flute, pan pipes, maracas, and a tambourine. And as a thoughtful touch, there's even a pair of earplugs for Mom or Dad!

Tickle Me Freud — $19.99
Tickle Me Freud is made of cuddly plush and stands (sits actually) about 11 inches high. He runs on batteries, which are included. If you suffer from Rectophobia, you may have trouble replacing them. (You're gonna have to look that one up yourself.)

Dante's Inferno Balls — $4.99
And about the candy... You get 100 red, fiery balls in each container. Technically, they're cinnamon flavored, but it's like sucking on the core of the sun. After awhile, though, you get used to it and they are actually quite heavenly in a masochistic sort of way.

Carpool Kenny — $17.99
Well, now there's a way. Carpool Kenny is coming to your rescue. Just blow him up, buckle him in, and off you go to HOV Heaven! Unless someone looks REAL closely, it appears you have a well-dressed friend coming along for the ride. (And you'll be moving so swiftly, no one will be able to get that good of a look.)

Instant Irish Accent Mouth Spray — $5.99
ATTORNEY: Perhaps you'd like to try some of your Irish Accent spray to see the kind of misleading products you sell.

Hobo Beans Candy — $5.99
But until then, there are these amazing Hobo Beans. This stupid candy begins with an actual metal can. Pop open the lid, and you'll discover it's chock full of baked beans with a delightful maple flavor.

Salvador Dali Surreality Watch — $29.99
You might think that the watch operates on the Surrealist movement, but it actually has a quality quartz movement. The watch comes in a striking metal box, making it a superb present for the art lover or philosopher in your circle of friends. Best of all, The Salvador Dali Surreality Watch is 100% guaranteed not to melt over the edge of the table.

POTATO TOTS PENCIL TOPPERS — $4.95
For god's sake.... The manufacturers could have at least made them erasers. But, no. That would be to.... to reasonable . They're just vinyl potato tots that serve no purpose whatsoever. In fact, if you make a mistake, they get in the way -- you'll have to remove them to get to the pencil's real eraser.

UNDERSTAND YOUR MOTHER INSTANTLY BREATH SPRAY — $5.99
Imagine: Your mother is muttering something that sounds like, "Dear, please wear that blue dress I bought you." Naturally, this makes no sense to you. But after you take a toke of the Understand Your Mother Spray, you'll realize what Mom just said: "Dear, put on that dress that makes you seem dumpy and unattractive so I don't have to worry about you getting picked up by some playboy who will probably get you pregnant and leave you stranded in a bus station in Wichita Falls, Texas."

Windup Hopping Lederhosen — $5.99
We know you must have a thousand questions about these Windup Hopping Lederhosen. But, hush. They are what they are. And if you think to much about them, your head will explode.

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots Keychain — $5.99
When you're mad at someone, let the Keychain boxer take it out on whatever you please instead of making yourself look like a fool.

Department of Redundancy Department Button — $1.75
This stupid button is 2-1/2" in diameter and will be sent to you by our Department of Shipping Department.

CAMO GOLF BALLS — $10.99
These Camo Golf Balls are genuine golf balls covered with camouflage paint, and are nearly invisible in the fairway. Bring the frustration back to your golf game. You get three Camo Golf Balls in each package and are perfect gifts for those golfing buddies you want to torment.

Gifts for Graduates: - Gag Gifts, Funny Toys, Cheap Stuff, and Gift Ideas Store — $5.99

Inflate-A-Bowl: - Gag Gifts, Funny Toys, Cheap Stuff, and Gift Ideas Store — $3.99
Inflate-A-Bowl is really a delightfully silly product. Anyone can serve snacks in bowls of fine china or ceramic. But bring out an Inflate-A-Bowl full of trail mix or chips and watch your guests crack up.

Beer Bottle Opener Ring - Pkg. of 2 — $5.99
You know what we HATE? When we have an ice-cold bottle of beer in our hand, and we can't find the bottle opener. We rifle through kitchen drawers, turn kitchen cabinets upside-down, and even search under the sofa cushions. By the time we DO find the bottle opener, our nice-cold beer is usually the same temperature as our sweaty palms.

Crime Scene Toilet Paper — $7.99
And with that disgusting image in mind, Stupid.com is delighted to bring you Crime Scene Toilet Paper. It's a large roll of genuine toilet paper, but it looks like the Crime Scene Tape used by law enforcement agencies everywhere. We have a roll in the restroom at Stupid.com World Headquarters -- When things are especially toxic, we hang an extra few squares over the doorknob as a friendly warning.

Baseball Cleats Keychain — $2.99
You may feel the same way about this cool Baseball Cleats Keychain. Each keychain features a very detailed miniature baseball cleat, complete with laces! It has deep cleats on the botton, just like the real thing. The keychain even includes a miniature baseball attached to it.

Shocking Tanks — $59.99
There's also a HIGH/LOW button on your controller that is really fascinating. If you set it to Low, the shock you get when you're hit is only somewhat painful. But when you hit your opponent, you only knock out one of his lights. If you dare set your controller to HIGH, you will knock out two of your opponent's lights with each hit. BUT, the shock you get in your own controller will be much more severe if YOU are hit. So, during battle, you have to decide if you want to risk greater pain for greater...

Stewie Death Defying Mints — $2.99
Well, Stewie's head has the perfect size and shape to store dozens of delicious death-defying peppermints! Each tin head holds .8 oz of refreshing mints that will deliver hours os fresh breath---guaranteed!

Sigmund Freud Bobbing Head Doll — $9.99
With the Sigmund Freud Bobbing Head Doll, you can have the greatest therapist of all time at your beck and call. Just place Sigmund on a table and spill your guts. Wise Sigmund will nod away and, before you know it, you'll feel so much better. And you don't even have to fork over a check!

MOONING GARDEN GNOME — $14.99
Whether you grew up with that story or not, you'll find The Mooning Garden Gnome a delightful object. Mischievious little gnomes have become commonplace throughout the American landscape. This guy has decided to stand out from the crowd with an age-old gesture of defiance and rebellion. He means no disrespect, he's merely... oh, maybe he does mean disrespect. What the heck do we know?

The Remarkable Hamster Clock — $21.99
It's a well-known fact that hamsters are the most punctual creatures in the animal kingdom. Before clocks and watches were invented, people used to strap hamsters on their wrists to tell the time of day. It was not uncommon to hear passersby say, "Look at the time -- It's half past hamster!" Switzerland became famous for watches -- not because they were brilliant engineers -- but because their indigenous hamsters were exceptionally accurate timekeepers.

Slip-On Tattoo Sleeves 2 Pack — $11.89
It used to take a lot of courage (and pain tolerance) to have both your arms covered in crazy tattoo designs - until now! Fake Tattoo sleeves are like the coolest gift/prank/look around for anyone who doesn't have the time - or commitment - to get that permanently cool look. They come in 8 different styles, so make sure you click through all the pictures before picking out the style that's right for you.

World Famous Poop Shop (Our Crappiest Stuff!): - Gag Gifts, Funny Toys, Cheap Stuff, and Gift Ideas Store — $4.99

Women's Shoes Hanukkah Menorah — $31.99
We weren't sure if a menorah like this was, er, "kosher," so we consulted with a well-respected rabbinical scholar. He pondered our question carefully, then gave us a long, detailed explanation. Unfortunately, we didn't speak Hebrew so we have no idea what he was saying. But since he took our sample as payment for his wisdom, we assume it's okay to use on Hanukkah.

1040 Toilet Paper — $7.99
Is America great, or what?! There are so many cool ways to protest the government -- You can carry a sign outside the White House. You can email Congress. And now you can protest by wiping your butt with 1040 Toilet Paper!

Houseplant Lawn Ornaments — $6.45
There's a few different styles to choose from (see below), but each ornament stands about 3.5" tall, not including the base. They're made from colorful polystone, and recreate the full-sized versions perfectly. They come packaged in a stylish see-through box, too.

Favorite Pranks and Funny Gags: - Gag Gifts, Funny Toys, Cheap Stuff, and Gift Ideas Store — $3.99

Skydiving Frogs — $6.99
The Skydiving Frogs Flyer consists of five adventure-loving frogs in skydiving gear. They lock their green hands, forming a disc. When you throw it, the Skydiving Frogs sail through the air with surprising grace. The disc is 5.75" in diameter and are made of soft material so it's fun and easy to throw and catch.

JEEZ-ITS STICKY NOTES — $6.99
One thing the New Testament doesn't mention was how ORGANIZED Jesus was. From running a successful carpentry shop to planning an intimate dinner for 12 of his closest friends (okay 11), Jesus was always on top of things.

Scrabble Picture Frame for Mom — $5.99
Boring Details: The base is made of wood, just like real scrabble pieces. And the frame holds up to a 3-1/2 x 5-1/4" photograph. Comes packed in the box shown. (The goofy photo is not included.)

Take a look at Dad's Scrabble Picture Frame — $5.99

Gummy T- Bone Steak: - Gag Gifts, Funny Toys, Cheap Stuff, and Gift Ideas Store — $2.90
GUMMY T-BONE STEAK is a hefty cut of 100% Grade-A gummy candy that will satisfy your meat craving without clogging your pulmonary artery. The strawberry-flavored treat comes packaged on a plastic tray, just like real meat in a supermarket. The T-Bone Steak measures an impressive 4-3/4" x 3-1/2", weighing in at just under 3 ounces.

Mini Zen Water Fountain — $6.95
There's nothing more calming than sitting by a burbling fountain. Problem is, there isn't always a burbling fountain nearby. (For instance, the closest thing Stupid Headquarters has to a burbling fountain is the leaky slop sink in Carl the janitor's closet. And you can't even get in without a reservation.) Anyway, wouldn't it be a pleasure to carry a tranquil fountain wherever you go?

SUMO BATTLE — $24.99
Chances are, you've always wanted to be a Sumo Wrestler. But as much as this dream of fame and glory appealed to you, something always got in the way. In fact, as time passed, you probably forgot all about your desire to wrestle in the great sumo rings of Japan. You may not even know what we're talking about -- that's how far from your dream you've strayed.

Angry Mob Playset — $14.99
Angry mobs have been shouting that famous line since the beginning of time. And now you can have your own angry mob with this Angry Mob Playset. Each set includes nine 2" to 3" tall, hard vinyl villagers wielding a variety of weapons for them to wave menacingly at the object of their disdain. Great for intimidating your action figures and teaching children the concept of mob rule.

Ouija Board Mystic Keychain — $5.99
it's pretty neatly packaged, and the keychain itself is a very detailed, albeit tiny, replica of the real ouija board. The oracle piece is included in a tiny little drawer, and is big enough for about 2 fingers. its made of plastic, has a clear plastic lens in the middle for magnification, and has OUIJA printed in black writing on it. The board is a magnificent reproduction, and is actually playable with one person, though it is not recommended that you attempt to play a ouija board alone. Quite...

Peace - Something to Shoot For Button — $1.75
You can look like an activist even if you're not! This button will be a turn-on for right and left wingers alike.

TALKING TOILET PAPER DISPENSER — $14.49
The Talking Toilet Paper Dispenser is amazing -- It allows you to record your own personal message that will be played every time someone pulls some paper off the roll. Your message can be rude, funny, musical, or -- if you're really twisted -- romantic. You get 6 seconds of recording time, which is enough time to surprise anyone. It's so funny they'll drop their pants. (Which, now that we think of it, should already dropped.)